Tired of Money

Money is boring. Why would anyone want to blog or read about the moo-lah? It's dull.

Easy for me to say. I could fill my swimming pool with hundred dollar bills and hire a dozen dancing girls to do belly flops into it if I wanted. Been there. Done that. It would be far more interesting to pick apples or something. Being a rich, famous blogger can be excruciatingly numbing sometimes.

Sometimes I envy animals. They have it easy. Sure, carnivores have to kill their own food, but at least it's an honest living. It's not like they're creating credit default swaps or selling time shares. Chasing after dollars or yen or euros or souvlakis or hong-kong phooeys is no way to live, no way to live at all.

I guess that's why jobs are good. The money is sort of automatic. You go to work. You do your thing. They pay you. You take your pay and go to the bar or the department store and feel good for a while. Then you go back to work, and so on. It's not so far from the rhythm of nature, really. It's not so different from what bees do, except bees make delicious, life-prolonging honey, and we make spreadsheets and reports.

At any rate, it seems to me that the key is to do whatever you do and just forget about the money. Every time I focus on chasing cash, life just gets really complicated. The best thing is to simply get up in the morning, do what needs to be done, and let the money follow.

I'm really sick of money. If you want some of my dinero, simply contact me through this site, tell me how much you need and how you're going to use it, and maybe I'll send you a check. I'm dead serious.

Don't get your hopes up, though, unless you've got an incredible story. Truly, don't get your hopes up. I didn't get to the point of having enough Benjamins to fill my pool by being soft-hearted and giving money away to every Tom, Dick, and Sally with a sob story.

(Just kiddin', of course. If I had money, I'd give it away for sure. That's probably why I don't have it.)

And there you have it: Proof that irony is, indeed, dead.